Light through the blinds.

December 10th, 2018

I believe the stages of detox are beginning to wind down.  Sleeping will prove to be difficult again, however it may just be that I have a shoddy mindset going into it.  I say that the symptoms are dwindling because I’m noticing not only subtle, but significant changes in my body and mind.  For one, and exemplified as one of the most common, is the feeling of being shaky.  I made a cup of tea and while spooning a little sugar into the mug, I noticed that my hand was steady.  My head slightly jolted back, and my eyes widened a little, along with what was probably a really awkward facial gesture.  Like somebody had just told me something unnerving, or startling. 

To avoid backlash of anybody thinking that I’m under the impression of “oh, I’m cured!”, that is merely the case.  However, I find no shame in taking notice of positive changes during what can be an incredibly adverse time.  Believe me, my mind is in no way at ease, and I am conscious of the fact that this is mile marker .5 of infinite to come.  Humility and humbleness are atop my priorities.

Now, these little victories are going to be very normal and acute, but they are victories nonetheless.  They feel good, progressive, and uplifting.  In my opinion, they shouldn’t be ignored, and as I’ve said before, the small things will add up, which they have into this list, in no order of importance.

  • The shakes are gone.
  • My appetite is coming back to normal, and I’m not eating like complete shit.
  • The normal daily aches and pains, along with headaches have almost completely disappeared.
  • My body feels like it can move more freely and naturally.  I’m stretching for 10 minutes when I wake up, and before I get into bed.  It helps!
  • I’m hydrated properly.
  • I feel like I look better, especially in the face.  It’s clearing up significantly, and the bags are steadily dissipating.
  • My speech has improved, and my thoughts are quicker and more uniform.
  •  I feel smarter.
  •  I can sit down and read, retain it, and discuss the subjects entailed, whether it be a book, a blog, or newspaper article.
  •  My writing is improving, maybe because that’s a lot of what I’ve been doing, but it’s a positive.
  • I don’t constantly feel like shit.
  • My anxiety has subsided a little, along with depressive thoughts.

 Some other tasks were buying insurance for my “new” car that I’m pretty excited about.  I paid for the first month with the money I saved by not drinking for 72 hours.  It’s not fancy insurance, but it certainly puts just how much money I was dumping into booze in perspective.  The preparation for titling and registering this vehicle is also complete, and ready for the DMV (help me).  Lastly, I cancelled the absolutely awful insurance policy I had on the last vehicle I owned.  One of which I continued to pay way too much for, simply because I was too preoccupied with drinking and ignoring the responsibility.  This is coming last because it literally took me an HOUR to CANCEL A POLICY.  After the irritating process was all over, I noticed that never once did I lose the drive to get the task done.  Through especially unhelpful and difficult representatives, I stayed calm and collected, getting the job done when it needed to be completed.

To reiterate, I am in no way trying to preach that all is well in the world, and that I’ve beaten my demons into the ground in record time.  That would be insulting to myself, and the people that love and want to help me.  There is still a very tumultuous path that lie ahead of me, that I’m sure will prove much harder than these past few days.  I will have to take those as they come, with a positive mind and a head of steam.

 It felt nice to write that, though.  This is after less than 4 days without a sip of alcohol.  Here’s to making this list longer and longer, day by day.

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